21.11.23

https://ideas.ted.com/reminder-whenever-you-say-yes-to-something-youre-saying-no-to-something-else/

Reminder: Whenever you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else

Reminder: Whenever you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else 

It is with some pride that I can think of some “big” things I have passed on doing 

Tickets to the Super Bowl.
A trip to a private island.
Book deals.

I’m not proud because I think I am better than those things. It was just that I had better things to do with that time, at that time. Sometimes it was with my family; sometimes it was other work opportunities; sometimes it was just because I was exhausted and I needed to rest. 

Saying NO is a rich feeling that’s only tangentially related to money. Yet if I am being honest, it’s not one I indulge in enough.

Just because you’re offered something that might be good for your career, that would feel good to your ego, that most people would have said YES to,  doesn’t mean you have to listen to your ego and accept the offer. You can say NO.

It’s easy to forget that, especially with peer pressure and FOMO, but it’s true. Saying NO is a rich feeling that’s only tangentially related to money. Yet if I am being honest, like most people, it’s not one I indulge in enough.

But in the last year, as the pandemic radically reoriented so many parts of everybody’s lives, I was reminded painfully of what economists call “opportunity costs”. I’ve always been productive and disciplined, so I was under the impression that even with all my traveling and various projects, I wasn’t suffering much for it. 

The last 12 months have been the most creatively fulfilling and productive months of my life. It turns out that being home for bath and dinner every single night had a massive impact on my relationship with my young children, their behavior and my marriage.

Obviously, the costs had been there all along. I just wasn’t aware of them, or I was denying them. So while I do take pride in some of the things I’ve turned down over the years, the reality is I have been undisciplined more often that I was disciplined. I may have been producing … but it wasn’t as good as it could be.

And when it didn’t feel like my work was suffering, it was only because other parts of my life were. All those meetings I didn’t really need to go to. Interviews or press that I did because it was flattering. The time when my kid wanted my attention but I was glued to my phone, to some email — so glued that my NO was implicit. I didn’t have to be somewhere else. I was home … and yet I was gone all the same.

 

I want to remind you — and myself — to always think about what you’re really being asked to give. Because the answer is often a piece of your life, usually in exchange for something you don’t even want. Remember, that’s what time is. It’s your life, and you can never get it back.

And when we get better at saying NO, we get to experience the benefits of the flip side of what I said above. Because everything you say NO to means you’re saying YES to something else.

YES to your important work.
To your health.
To the people you love.
Even to just a moment of stillness in a busy life.

You deserve that. And you’ll be proud of yourself if you do it.

This post was originally published on “Meditations on Strategies and Life, the blog by Ryan Holiday — go there to read more of his posts and his newest book, Courage is Calling, has just been released. 

 

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tangentially :  in a way that barely touches or involves someone or something (관계가 없는? 스쳐지나가는, (digressive) ) 

indulge : to allow yourself or another person to have something enjoyable, especially more than is good for you

disciplined : behaving in a very controlled way 

impression : an idea or opinion of what something or someone is like 

busyness  /ˈbɪz.i.nəs/